It Was Just A Nightmare

I knew I must of had this nightmare in my waking hours because of the detail and all of the ability of my dream self. I wasn't floating above the action like all the other dreams; I was a clear image and I was fully aware of what was taking place and it was horrifying.

It's a Saturday afternoon at my tiny house. Baby Sagittarius is napping and I look outside the window. There is a man walking towards our house from across the street. He's dripping with sweat and he sees me looking at him through our window. Mechanic hubby turns his head and sees what I'm seeing. "I wonder what he wants," Mechanic hubby says. As this man who is tall, about 6'3", slightly overweight, wearing old jeans and a bright red shirt with a backpack on, unshaven, with longer curly hair and piercing red eyes comes to our door and knocks, my heart sinks. Mechanic hubby walks to the door and opens it.

"Could I trouble you for some water?" He politely asks.

"Uh, sure. "

"Do you mind if I come in, it's pretty hot out," he says with a smile.

Mechanic hubby glances my way and I shake my head "no." But Mechanic hubby, believing fervently that all people are good, let's him in. This man follows my husband to the kitchen. I hear the cupboard open, the lid from the gallon jug of water pops off and as I walk to the kitchen, I see this monster of a man, with his arm held high above him, gripping a large barbecue brush, the kind that have that sharp metal scraper on one end, strike my husband in the back of the head while his back is turned to him. He falls instantly to the ground and a short steady stream starts to grow. This man bolts past me and runs outside the door. I'm scared and can't scream because I don't want to wake the baby. As I'm grabbing anything to apply pressure to the wound, I see the man come up to my kitchen window, take out a funsaver camera, waits for the flash light to go on and take a picture of the mess.

I wake up to find my husband out of bed. He's getting ready for work in the bathroom and I grab his pillow for what seemed like a really, really long time. Sometimes I don't mind being an insomniac.

But We're Not Perfect Ma....

I get a message today from my sister ASU Grad this morning at 8:30. Which means she's up at 6:30 which causes alarm for me because not only is she the "World's Best Sleeper," but she's also the "Best Working Under Pressure" (I love this song!) and can get a day's worth of work done in 4 hours allowing her to not have to go into work until 10 or 11 am. So with all this knowledge I was so glad to read her text:

"Woke up at 4 (am). Realized I entered some stuff wrong at work. Must be tired because I was so upset I almost* cried. Just know u guys understand how prideful we are."

*My sister NEVER cries about anything, okay she does but she's no crybaby like my other sister Radio Momma and I. We cry over everything....let me get a tissue.

I would not trade my childhood. Yeah, we were nomadic and I was always the new kid in school but it just made me outgoing as an adult. Oh, and the divorce really sucked but that's another time. As long as I could remember, my mother, from her own example, would instill in us that when we were taught how to do something, we would get it right the first time. We don't need to be shown a second time. We memorize the actions, steps and burn it into our memory. This kind of caused us as adults to never ask for help, clean up our own messes and shudder at the thought of making the same mistake twice. My sisters and I now ask for ideas from each other, but outsiders? Not so much. When I was working, I was sent to a seminar which tried to tell me it was okay to ask questions. What do they know? They were trying to reprogram me but I'm sorry I have years of "no thanks, I don't need help."

It's a shame though because when I really did need help in my life I had a nervous breakdown. I mentally beat myself up because there was no other way to progress and remove myself from the situation I was in unless I said, "Can you help me?" Just typing it out makes me so upset. My sisters and I are all willing to help someone else no problem. Service is not an issue, but receiving assistance? No effing way. We were kind of like automatons. We know what to do, when to do it efficiently and perfectly every time...but sometimes our ticks don't tock and we make a mistake and have night terrors about it. Oh well, I guess I won't make that same mistake twice with Baby Sagittarius.

The Premature Bucket List

• Show an original art piece in a gallery (doesn't even have to be a fancy-schmancy gallery either).
• Get published. (short story, critique, narrative, instructions..anything!)
• Learn how to drive (maybe I'll put that at the bottom).
  
• Teach a cooking class to more than 5 people all at once.
• Lose 20 pounds (I need to lose more but I'm being realistic....better make it 10).
• Lose 10 pounds. See above.
• See Japan (not on television).
• Open 5 biscuit cans in a row without flinching.
• Spend less time on the internet.
• Write more hand written letters like they used to.
• Make stationary.
• Perfect penmanship.
• Buy stamps.
• Daydream more. Just kidding.
• Learn how to create, not just cook.
• Smile more often.
• Learn stupid bar chords.
• Keep being happy where I am and not depend on happiness based on a future I created in my head...again daydream less.
• Learn to drive.
• Remain confident in the abilities I was given and be willing to share the knowledge...if I gained any.

It's Official: 29 Is Here

So after reading depressing stories and other uplifting articles, I had to give myself a metaphorical kick in the butt. Just because I was gaining another year did not mean my life was over. It was a beautiful day outside, the kids weren't terrorizing the house (except for the impromptu war of peas) and there were many a phone call on my phone that I had to charge it twice today. Mechanic hubby got up early to decorate the house and played a sweet song made just for me. He also gave me a very well-thought out gift, new knives for my cooking pleasure.

While I spent the last four days with anxiety and sorrow, there were so many worse things going on outside my tiny insignificant world. It's not everyday that I get into a mood, and I'm

mad at myself for wasting so much time being upset with myself. I will "continue with patience" and take what happens with a big grin and pig tails. I got some pretty sweet gifts that truly came from the hearts of my friends and family. My day is sweet and it was sprinkled with hope that I can make this year the best.

I needed to spice up my life this week so I thought salsa would be just the thing to do it.

Easy Homemade Salsa

2 medium tomatoes

1 large jalapeño

garlic powder

cumin

onion powder

salt

a handful of cilantro

In a pot filled halfway with water, add your tomatoes and jalapeño. Set your stove to medium high heat and bring it to boil. It's done once you can smell the jalapeño or once it's tender, use a fork to test this.

Add the veggies and the rest of the ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. I don't know exact amounts for the seasonings, just taste and adjust. Eat with chips or if you're like me, with every meal you have.

Black Market Burros or Burrito Bandito

So I get a picture text from a friend of mine eating a breakfast burrito. He's basically rubbing it in my face that I don't have a local Mexican joint serving up awesome burros. This got me to thinking....I love breakfast burritos very much. I used to have a standing order on Friday mornings with the roach coach that would come by the construction company I used to work for. It was a chorizo, egg and potato burrito and it was delicious! It was greasy but very scrumptious!

I'm wanting to start a tiny venture. Not to make a ton of profit, just to get my food out there. I thought, "What if I start selling breakfast burritos?" They're portable, easy to make and low cost. My husband the mechanic has at least 20 other guys who work in the shop with him....they could use a burrito. Maybe I could only sell on Fridays....maybe I could get the orders the day before, get up early Friday morning, make them and hubby could fill the orders. I could come up with a cool logo or name. I don't have a restaurant or anything but I could possibly be taking other's peoples business away from them...like when people sell stuff on the black market...YES! Black Market Burros! But then I also liked the name Burrito Bandito but there's already a restaurant out there with a similar name....dang.

After talking it over with my mechanic hubby he says, "Well, you'll probably have to make a bunch of test samples first, make sure the product is good." I spoil him too much!

The Future of 29

I know, overly dramatic. I thought I left that behind in high school but here she is drama queen out in full form. I'll be 29 the day after tomorrow and mere thought has been torturing me since last year's birthday festivities. I spent five minutes typing "I hate my birthday" over and over again in a notepad document today. I don't know what to expect in the next year prior to 30. I've got friends saying to spend the next year living it up, to leave my 20's beaten and bruised. I reply with an "eff yeah!" when all I want to do is cry and evaluate what mistakes I've made with my life and how my 20's were a waste.

Well, not all of it was a waste. I got married at 20. I know, young dumb kids in love. No, I wasn't knocked up, I love my husband very much. I had my daughter at 27. During those 7 years I just worked, paid bills, had fun but didn't go to school. I think that's what my hang up is. Just another uneducated housewife trying hoping that being a housewife isn't all that she does with her life. I do my best to fill my free time with reading, painting, writing and on the really crazy days...exercise. But I notice that with the free time I do have, 2 hours a day is already planned with dishes, laundry, dinner prep (I find that relaxing because I love to cook) and really stupid stuff like Facebook and Hulu. On those really bad days I think, "I could have been more...maybe I'm more than a dish-washing, clothes laundering poopy diaper changing person." But then I look around at what needs to be done, shrug my shoulders and think, "Maybe someday." I just need to do my current job better and not waste time thinking what could have been. Waa...waa...waa.

Cooking has been my therapy. I look up recipes, marvel at the talent of the food photographer and cherish the hard work of going from nothing to something...a very yummy something. I spoil my friends only because I can't believe I made something so delicious, I need people to witness it and agree. Cooking comes naturally to me because I'm chubby and need to survive and keep my voluptuous figure. Here, let me spoil you a little.

Meatball Sub Sandwiches

Ingredients

Sauce**
3 cans of crushed tomatoes

2 cloves of garlic minced
1 tsp of dried basil (fresh is better but too pricey for me, I guess I could grow it but I'd probably kill it).

1 cup sliced mushrooms

1 tbsp oil
1 tsp of dried oregano

1 tsp salt
1/2 a small onion minced

**You could just buy spaghetti sauce but it's not the same for me.

Meatballs*
1 lb lean ground beef

1 egg
1/4 c Italian style breadcrumbs
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp salt

*Should make 12 - 18 meatballs depending on size. Mine are the size of a ping pong ball.

Lots of mozzarella cheese!
1 baguette or 2 depends on how many you're feeding. One baguette works fine for my husband and I, especially if he wants a two hander sandwich.

For the sauce, using a dutch oven pot, on medium heat, add oil, sauté the garlic for about 30 seconds then add the mushrooms and onion. Cook until the mushrooms and onions are tender. Be careful, do not let the garlic burn or turn too brown because they will become bitter. Lower the heat if they start to turn brown too fast. Add the 3 cans of crushed tomatoes, basil, oregano and salt. Let it simmer on medium low. If it starts to bubble and splatter, lower the heat, it should be a gentle bubbling.

Now for the meat. In a good sized bowl add all of your meatball ingredients and start mixing with your hands. Make sure all of your ingredients are well blended. It should feel like play-doh. Start making little balls. I pinch off some meat, and start shaping it into a ball in my hands, making circular motions. Once all of your meat has turned into meatballs, carefully drop them into your bubbling sauce. By this time, the sauce is hot enough to start cooking your meatballs. I let this cook for at least half an hour, giving it a stir about every 10 minutes. After half an hour has passed, check a meatball. Pull one out with a slotted spoon and cut it in half. Is it pink? How's the flavor? Is it yummy?

If your meatballs are ready, it's time for baguette inlay. Slice your baguette lengthwise. You could butter up the bread and add some dried basil and garlic powder, if you want. I didn't this time because I was so freaking hungry. Dig a little bit of a well in your baguette to ensure that the meatballs won't roll off. Place your meatballs in the baguette and top with mozzarella cheese. Be generous too. Slide those bad boys under the broiler and pull them out once the cheese is golden bubbly and the bread is toasty perfect, about 2-5 minutes. Keep watching, do not walk away from the oven, not even to get the phone. Prepare yourself for awesomeness! Eat with a side salad to make it you know, "healthy."