Monday, July 26, 2010

But We're Not Perfect Ma....

I get a message today from my sister ASU Grad this morning at 8:30. Which means she's up at 6:30 which causes alarm for me because not only is she the "World's Best Sleeper," but she's also the "Best Working Under Pressure" (I love this song!) and can get a day's worth of work done in 4 hours allowing her to not have to go into work until 10 or 11 am. So with all this knowledge I was so glad to read her text:

"Woke up at 4 (am). Realized I entered some stuff wrong at work. Must be tired because I was so upset I almost* cried. Just know u guys understand how prideful we are."

*My sister NEVER cries about anything, okay she does but she's no crybaby like my other sister Radio Momma and I. We cry over everything....let me get a tissue.

I would not trade my childhood. Yeah, we were nomadic and I was always the new kid in school but it just made me outgoing as an adult. Oh, and the divorce really sucked but that's another time. As long as I could remember, my mother, from her own example, would instill in us that when we were taught how to do something, we would get it right the first time. We don't need to be shown a second time. We memorize the actions, steps and burn it into our memory. This kind of caused us as adults to never ask for help, clean up our own messes and shudder at the thought of making the same mistake twice. My sisters and I now ask for ideas from each other, but outsiders? Not so much. When I was working, I was sent to a seminar which tried to tell me it was okay to ask questions. What do they know? They were trying to reprogram me but I'm sorry I have years of "no thanks, I don't need help."

It's a shame though because when I really did need help in my life I had a nervous breakdown. I mentally beat myself up because there was no other way to progress and remove myself from the situation I was in unless I said, "Can you help me?" Just typing it out makes me so upset. My sisters and I are all willing to help someone else no problem. Service is not an issue, but receiving assistance? No effing way. We were kind of like automatons. We know what to do, when to do it efficiently and perfectly every time...but sometimes our ticks don't tock and we make a mistake and have night terrors about it. Oh well, I guess I won't make that same mistake twice with Baby Sagittarius.

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