Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sandwich Dancer

I have a younger brother...I think I'll call him Sandwich Dancer. It makes sense to my family.

As of right now I'm ashamed to say that I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I have an idea that I hope is correct and that idea is that he is with his wife and children and they are just tucked away in a place that has no internet or phone signal. I would like to think that he is playing with his children and loves his wife. I would like to think that he is happy.

This not knowing is unnerving to me. It upsets me that I have been going about my little life with my tiny problems and have gone days without thinking about my brother. I know it sounds weird, who is supposed to be thinking about their brother everyday? I used to.

My brother and I are the two younger siblings of the four children my mother had. Even though we are five years apart, we were best friends. We spent countless summers together, watched a lot of PBS, hung out at the mall, and talked about everything. He's had a slightly difficult childhood and had a few bumps on the road but like all of us, he's not perfect. I know he tries very hard to be the good person I know he is. My brother is always laughing...almost like a tic. The last time we spoke on the phone was too long ago and he told me he called me because he heard a song by the Cure on the radio and thought it was a sign to call me. In retrospect, our phone conversation was too short. If I had known I wouldn't be talking to him for a great while, I would have kept him on the phone longer but he was driving and being the overly protective sister I am, I told him to keep it short and focus on the road. His wife and children had moved to another town and he stayed behind to finish up a contract job. I haven't heard from him and can't get a hold of him. Again, unnerving.

The number I have for him isn't his, he and his wife and children lived on the Navajo Nation reservation and the signal is quite poor there. When I call I get a busy signal. A light of hope dawned on me around New Year's this year. I decided to check the very unpopular myspace account I still had. There on my profile page was a note from my brother's wife. It said that she was so excited that my brother was finally on his way to them. The note was posted December 31st. I replied back on the 5th or so, asking if he made it. I have yet to get a response from his wife. I don't know if she has access to the internet (that I often take for granted) to see my message. I woke with a start a little while ago with my brother on my mind. I burst into tears. My imagination took over but in a scary way. I pictured my little brother upset and alone and no way for me to help him.

I prayed and prayed and prayed like never before and asked for him to be safe and at home with his family. I had a little voice tell me to check the distance from where he was to where his family is and it's only 3 1/2 hours away, so it brought me some comfort and confidence that he's with his family. Times are tough so they might not have internet access or a cell phone but I would do anything to have an indication that he's safe. All I can do is pray for him and his family and I'll have to be okay with that.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes praying is the only thing you can do, even when you can reach them by phone. I hope you hear from him soon, that would make me nervous as well... I also suffer from overactive imagination. Hang in there.